I have cooked here somehow cabbage rolls. My son and I both love them with sour cream. Since he has a growing teenager and can eat everything that falls into his field of view, I warned him to leave me a couple of cabbage rolls for the evening and anticipated how to eat them after a day of work – hot cabbage rolls with cold fresh sour cream.
My son did not fail, left me a portion-but then I found that he just ate sour cream. I was very hungry, my anger took off to critical meanings – and I did not have time to notice how I already turned out to be an angry Furia, accusing a hassle boy of selfishness, gluttony and indifference to the needs of others. And at the same moment I felt terribly funny.
The fact is that my favorite idea about frustration, anger and guilt, I explain to my clients just on the example of sour cream. Such a metaphor occurred once-and somehow it was unprofitable to come up with another. And I did not notice at all how life lured me to the same trap.
Frustration – a complex of experiences, which arises when we do not get the desired. Under the influence of the communication models that are common in society, we bring to our relations a strong sense of guilt that has taken nowhere. This is because we were not taught to experience Frustration and get out of it
on balance.
Anger and resentment, when something happens wrong, automatically directed us in search of an offender
No one taught us that frustration and the following anger (and shame) is part of the natural process of life, not someone’s fault or error. Imagine that a tired person after work goes with a dream of eating a salad of tomatoes with sour cream. And in the shop next to her house, as luck would have it, it does not turn out. Frustrated buyer covers annoyance. There is no strength to go far to another store. He does not like mayonnaise. Life failed.
He climbs the stairs and winds himself up with every step. After all, if he is angry, this should be someone’s fault! From the threshold, he begins to scream at the household – that no one in this house can take care of the purchase of sour cream, that he is injected like a slave on galleys and cannot even calmly eat. The wife is offended, barks at the turning up son, he is scared with a scandal. The ball of non -existent guilt was thrown several times and went to the most vagrant – as a rule, the child. At this moment, he may dream of how he grows up and will be the strongest and most loud, and then he will be angry, and the rest will obey him.
Into this sour cream angerI slipped so easily, because she did not give herself to cope with Frustration in a more adult way. Anger and resentment, when something happens wrong, automatically directed us in search of an offender. Let us not get what we want, but we will satisfy ourselves at least our rightness. If I am right, it is easier for me – because if there is no guilty around, then suddenly it’s me to blame? Anger in this situation is a way to divert from yourself. But there was no fault from the very beginning. They just didn’t bring sour cream or bought it … And if we learn to cope with annoyance differently: we will find the strength to go to another store, we will like a kindly ask someone from home or, in the end, we will wave our hand, we will see that for anger for angerthere is no reason for shame and guilt in this story.